Break the Cycle

Table of Contents

"I have been up all night, AGAIN.  My knees are killing me, my abdomen hurts, I am so nauseous, and I have a splitting headache.  I barely slept last night and all I could do was sleep for 3 days before that.  I have lost a whole week.  I haven't eaten in 2 days but nothing sounds good.  The pain meds are barely touching this pain, the sleeping meds are useless and I feel like I am going crazy!  I cry at the drop of a hat, every little thing seems like a disaster.  I am unable to cope with making decisions, or dealing with anyone other than my husband.  All I want to do at this point is sleep but I am nervous about going to sleep too.  Is there something seriously wrong, should I go to the ER, they won't do anything anyway, what am I gonna do?"

This scenario happened to me about once a month for years, and I know it is common for other Lupus patients.  Sometimes it was caused by new symptoms, stress, missing medication doses, etc.  Sometimes it would last only a few days and sometimes it would be a week or more.  It always seemed like weeks. 

I would eventually realize that I was not thinking clearly, take an Ativan (anti-anxiety medication) and some Vicodin, put ice packs on my most painful areas, tell my family to check on me but to not wake me up, put on some soft music or a relaxation CD and sleep as long and hard as I could.  I would usually sleep for 12-24 hours but I would almost always wake up refreshed, relaxed and most importantly clear thinking again.  The cycle would begin again a few weeks later.

I spoke to my Psychiatrist about these cycles and the fact that Ativan was what broke them.  He asked if I had ever tried taking the Ativan at the beginning of the cycle.  I told him that I hadn't because at the beginning of the cycle I was depressed and slept all the time and I was concerned the Ativan would just make me sleep more.  He explained to me that when people sleep a lot more than normal like that it typically means they are not getting restful sleep.  He said try to take the Ativan at the beginning of the cycle and you may never get to that anxious desperation.  I did and it worked like a charm! 

It took me a couple days still to recognize what was going on but I suddenly realized that I was sleeping 20 hours out of the day and was still tired.  I also realized that I, in fact, wasn't sleeping well at all.  I was waking up constantly, being kind of half awake a lot of the time, and never getting to that deep sleep.  I took my Ativan, put on my music and got a great night's sleep and the next day I felt so much better!

Pain is something that is very hard to chase.  It is easier to prevent rather than treat after it has begun.  Nipping it in the bud when it first starts is key.  I am not suggesting everyone start popping powerful drugs like Ativan and Vicodin without talking to your doctor and/or Psychiatrist but I do want to let you all know that you don't always have to suffer through it.  Pain, anxiety and depression are not things you should "live with".  Communication with your medical team is VITAL, relaxation, medication, and family support can all be very important components to breaking these cycles of pain, depression, anxiety and more!  Whatever works for you, the important part is that you keep trying to improve your quality of life!  Doctors don't know what you don't tell them.