"I have been up all
night, AGAIN. My knees are killing me, my pancreas hurts, I am
so nauseous, and I have a splitting headache. I barely slept
last night and all I could do was sleep for 3 days before that.
I have lost a whole week. I haven't eaten in 2 days but
nothing sounds good. The pain meds are barely touching this
pain, the sleeping meds are useless and I feel like I am going
crazy! I cry at the drop of a hat, every little thing seems
like a disaster. I am unable to cope with making decisions, or
dealing with anyone other than my husband. All I want to do at
this point is sleep but I am nervous about going to sleep too.
Is there something seriously wrong, should I go to the ER, they
won't do anything anyway, what am I gonna do?"
This scenario happened to me
about once a month for years, and I know it is common for other
Lupus patients. Sometimes it was caused by new
symptoms, stress, missing medication doses, etc. Sometimes it
would last only a few days and sometimes it would be several days.
It always seemed like weeks.
I would eventually realize that
I was not thinking clearly, take an Ativan (anti-anxiety medication)
and some Vicodin, put ice packs on my sorest areas, tell my family
to check on me but to not wake me up, put on some soft music or a
relaxation CD and sleep as long and hard as I could. I would
usually sleep for 12-24 hours but I would almost always wake up
refreshed, relaxed and most importantly clear thinking again.
The cycle would begin again a few weeks later.
I spoke to my Psychiatrist
about these cycles and the fact that Ativan was what broke them.
He asked if I had ever tried taking the Ativan at the beginning of
the cycle. I told him that I hadn't because at the beginning
of the cycle I was depressed and slept all the time and I was
concerned the Ativan would just make me sleep more. He
explained to me that when people sleep a lot more than normal like
that it typically means they are not getting restful sleep. He
said try to take the Ativan at the beginning of the cycle and you
may never get to that anxious desperation. I did and it worked
like a charm!
It took me a couple days still
to recognize what was going on but I suddenly realized that I was
sleeping 20 hours out of the day and was still tired. I also
realized that I, in fact, wasn't sleeping well at all. I was
waking up constantly, being kind of half awake a lot of the time,
and never getting to that deep sleep. I took my Ativan, put on
my music and got a great night's sleep and the next day I felt so
much better!
I am not suggesting everyone
start popping powerful drugs like Ativan and Vicodin without talking
to your doctor and/or Psychiatrist but I do want to let you all know
that you don't always have to suffer through it. Pain, anxiety
and depression are not things you should "live with".
Communication with your medical team is VITAL, relaxation,
medication, and family support can all be very important components
to breaking these cycles of pain, depression, anxiety and more!
Whatever works for you, the important part is that you keep trying
to improve your quality of life! Doctors don't know what you
don't tell them.
